Margie received a bill from the hospital for her recent surgery,
and was astonished to see a $900 fee for the anesthesiologist. She called his office to demand an explanation.

“Is this some kind of mistake?” Margie asked when she got the doctor on the phone.

“No, not at all,” the doctor said calmly.

“Well,” said Margie, “that’s awfully costly for knocking someone out.”

“Not at all,” replied the doctor. “I knock you out for free… The 900 dollars is for bringing you back around.”

A middle-aged woman has a heart attack and is taken to the hospital.
While on the operating table, she has a near-d.eath experience. During that experience, she sees God and asks if this is it. God says NO and explains that she has another 30-40 years to live.

Upon her recovery she decides to just stay in the hospital and have a facelift, liposuction, breast augmentation, tummy tuck – you name it, she had it. She even has someone come in and change her hair color. She figures since she’s got another 30 or 40 years she might as well make the most of it.

She walks out of the hospital after the last operation when she is k. lled by an ambulance speeding up to the hospital.

She arrives in front of God and asks, “I thought you said I had another 30-40 years?”

“Oh, ” Said God. “I didn’t recognize you.”

================================
An extremely modest man was in the hospital for a series of tests, the last of which had left his bodily systems extremely upset.
Upon making several false alarm trips to the bathroom, he figured that the latest episode was just that, so he stayed put.

Suddenly, however, he filled his bed with diarrhea and was embarrassed beyond his ability to remain rational.

In a complete loss of composure, he jumped out of bed, gathered up the bed sheets, and threw them out the hospital window.

A drunk was walking by the hospital when the sheets landed on him. The drunk started yelling, cursing, and swinging his arms v.i.olently, in an attempt to free himself of the sheets. He ended up with the soiled sheets in a tangled pile at his feet.

As the drunk stood there, staring down at the sheets, a hospital security guard who had witnessed the entire incident, walked up to him and asked: “What the hell is going on?”

The drunk, still staring down at the sheets, replied, “I think I just beat the shit out of a ghost.”