For four months, I trusted the sweet woman who cleaned my house and hugged my children. Then one afternoon, I walked past the bathroom and saw what she\u2019d been hiding under that little bandage on her wrist. That\u2019s when I realized she\u2019d come into our home with ulterior motives.<\/p>\n
I\u2019m 38 years old, with three small children who are the center of my universe.<\/p>\n
When I went back to work full-time, I could barely keep up with the laundry, let alone the emotional needs of three tiny humans.<\/p>\n
One day, I was apologizing to my boss for sneaking out ten minutes early. The next, I was promising my kids I\u2019d make it up to them for getting home 20 minutes late.<\/p>\n
\u201cI\u2019m doing this for you guys,\u201d I\u2019d whisper to them, even though they were too young to care about 401ks or college funds. \u201cIt\u2019s for your future.<\/p>\n
For stability.\u201d<\/p>\n
But I knew eventually something would have to give.<\/p>\n
When the house finally went quiet at night, the guilt would settle in.<\/p>\n
I\u2019d sit on the edge of my youngest daughter\u2019s bed, watching her sleep, and a heavy weight would settle in my gut.<\/p>\n
I wondered if she would grow up remembering me only as a blur of tired eyes and a phone pressed to my ear.<\/p>\n
The thought was too much to bear, especially after the way I\u2019d grown up.<\/p>\n
I was adopted when I was very young.<\/p>\n
Most of my memories of my biological mother are like trying to look through a thick fog. I can\u2019t recall her scent or picture her face.<\/p>\n
But one image has stayed perfectly sharp: a picture of a small blue bird.<\/p>\n
I remember tracing it, my finger gliding over the vertical bumps beneath the surface, and a woman (my mom, I assumed), saying, \u201cIt shows my love for you \u2014 a love that will last forever.\u201d<\/p>\n
Except it didn\u2019t last forever.<\/p>\n
She disappeared, and I never really knew why. My adoptive parents mentioned a voluntary surrender once, but I never got the full details.<\/p>\n
Part of me didn\u2019t want to know.<\/p>\n
When I had kids, I promised myself I would never let them feel that kind of emptiness.<\/p>\n
I wanted to be present in their lives, but I was failing.<\/p>\n
That\u2019s why my husband and I contacted an agency for a housekeeper. We needed a pair of hands to catch the things I was dropping.<\/p>\n
The agency sent us Helen. She was 58, with soft gray curls and eyes that crinkled at the corners whenever she looked at the kids.<\/p>\n
The first day she walked through the door, she held out a tin of homemade lemon cookies.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
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