I used to think my life would be loud. I pictured hallways cluttered with toys, and imagined sticky hands tugging at my skirt while a small, high-pitched voice called me \u201cMom.\u201d<\/p>\n
That was the dream I carried for years when Karl and I were first married.<\/p>\n
Then a doctor told us, \u201cI\u2019m sorry, but it\u2019s very unlikely that you\u2019ll be able to conceive naturally.\u201d<\/p>\n
I felt the oxygen leave the room. I turned to Karl, reaching for his hand, but he didn\u2019t move.<\/p>\n
On the drive home, Karl turned up the radio while I cried.<\/p>\n
I used to think my life would be loud.<\/p>\n
The shelter started with one dog.<\/p>\n
I found her near the highway, a skinny brown mutt with mange. I didn\u2019t think; I just took off my cardigan, wrapped her in it, and lifted her into my car.<\/p>\n
When I got home, Karl looked at the bundle in my arms like I was carrying a bucket of toxic waste.<\/p>\n
\u201cWhat is that?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cShe\u2019s sick, and I\u2019m going to help her.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cWe are not turning this house into a kennel, Simona.\u201d He scowled at the dog.<\/p>\n
The shelter started with one dog.<\/p>\n
\u201cShe\u2019ll stay in the garage,\u201d I insisted. \u201cJust until she\u2019s better.\u201d<\/p>\n
He rubbed the bridge of his nose. \u201cSimona, this isn\u2019t healthy.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cWhat isn\u2019t healthy? Helping something that\u2019s hurting?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cThis.\u201d He pointed a finger at the dog and then at me. \u201cYou can\u2019t replace a child with strays. It\u2019s a bit pathetic, don\u2019t you think?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI\u2019m not replacing anything,\u201d I said.<\/p>\n
But as I looked down at that little dog, I wondered if he was right.<\/p>\n
\u201cSimona, this isn\u2019t healthy.\u201d
\nMaybe I was trying to fill a hole shaped like a person with things that barked and shed. Does it matter, though?<\/p>\n
One dog became three. Three became ten.<\/p>\n
Soon, the garage wasn\u2019t enough, and neither was my spirit.<\/p>\n
I had a small inheritance from my grandmother. I used it to buy a run-down piece of land at the edge of town. It had an old, rusted storage building and a wide yard.<\/p>\n
Karl signed the closing papers without even glancing at the text. \u201cAs long as it doesn\u2019t cost me anything.\u201d
\nOne dog became three.
\n\u201cIt won\u2019t,\u201d I promised. \u201cIt\u2019s my money.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cGood. Have fun playing veterinarian. Just don\u2019t expect me to clap.\u201d<\/p>\n
I did more than play.<\/p>\n
I painted every wall myself. I learned how to install industrial-grade kennels and give injections. Slowly, volunteers started to show up \u2014 mostly retired women with big hearts and high school kids needing service hours.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
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